I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer. yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when you were conceived, right?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his a** constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up with a Barbie
and a sweater vest. You like that, fruitcake?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
scotch and give your mom my number. Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the a**es of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Moron .
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
a** whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
a low-rent apartment complex because both of your parents are
worthless lazy shits.Third, I get inside your pad just like
the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams
: 08.07.2005